Leave it to Cleavage!!
Ha! How about that Hillary?
Going around showing off her cleavage on the floor of the Senate just to get attention!? I love it!
And you know she did that on purpose too! She's so calculating. It's wild!
Now she and Obama are fighting. It's great! I am having so much fun covering their spat. I'm not sure what it's about - something to do with denying the Holocaust and her clothes, or whatever. But it's terrific!
And Alberto Gonzalez!? How are we gonna get that guy outta there? He's such a liar. But cuddly and fun too. I bet the Democrats are loving this!
This has been a fun week, and it's gonna get even better!
Monday, July 30, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Newt Gingrich Attacked Me! Ha!
Look at what Newt Gingrich said about me!
I mean, not what he said, of course - who is he calling "irrelevant"? - but that he singled me out!
This is great! I'm in the news every day. And I'm blogging! This is like the Summer of Matthews!
I've got a question for the former Speaker: if I am so irrelevant, why did he bring me up?
I may be shallow, I'm certainly on tv, and of course I am a celebrity.
Heck, I may be a slightly daffy, Potomac fever-addled, pure Beltway suck up, an ultimate Georgetown cocktail party kiss-ass, a Nantucket dwelling fop, a panty-sniffing, woman-hating, man-crushing D.C. court jester -- but buddy, I've got two tv shows and I am so relevant my random musings are broadcast around the world!
What else are you going to do on Sunday mornings before "Meet the Press," watch the maid boil your eggs?
I used to work with Tip O'Neill, and let me tell you, he would have man-handled someone like Newt so hard his ex-wives would feel it! Now there was a real Speaker!
Newt's always been a pompous elitist cry-baby who looks down on the common man. I love the common man! That's my thing.
Still I love that Newt might get in the race. This could be fun!
He says he's going to beat Hillary and Obama. That seems like overkill, unless he's running for the Democratic nomination. I dunno, he is a little crazy.
Newt - call me!
You've got to come on my show. You know you want to!
"You're watching an utterly irrelevant, shallow television celebrity dominate everybody who claimed they want to lead the most powerful nation in the world," he said.Whoa! I love it!
I mean, not what he said, of course - who is he calling "irrelevant"? - but that he singled me out!
This is great! I'm in the news every day. And I'm blogging! This is like the Summer of Matthews!
I've got a question for the former Speaker: if I am so irrelevant, why did he bring me up?
I may be shallow, I'm certainly on tv, and of course I am a celebrity.
Heck, I may be a slightly daffy, Potomac fever-addled, pure Beltway suck up, an ultimate Georgetown cocktail party kiss-ass, a Nantucket dwelling fop, a panty-sniffing, woman-hating, man-crushing D.C. court jester -- but buddy, I've got two tv shows and I am so relevant my random musings are broadcast around the world!
What else are you going to do on Sunday mornings before "Meet the Press," watch the maid boil your eggs?
I used to work with Tip O'Neill, and let me tell you, he would have man-handled someone like Newt so hard his ex-wives would feel it! Now there was a real Speaker!
Newt's always been a pompous elitist cry-baby who looks down on the common man. I love the common man! That's my thing.
Still I love that Newt might get in the race. This could be fun!
He says he's going to beat Hillary and Obama. That seems like overkill, unless he's running for the Democratic nomination. I dunno, he is a little crazy.
Newt - call me!
You've got to come on my show. You know you want to!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I Was on Jay Leno! Wow!
Wow! So here I am in sunny California, land of swimming pools and movie stars. It's great!
I love movies. And actors. And movie stars. I think I saw George Clooney at the McDonald's in Burbank. Well, I thought it was him. It was a really good looking guy anyway!
They say Washington is showbiz for ugly people. Ain't that the truth! Except for Mitt Romney. He's perfect. And the Kennedys. And Fred Thompson. He's got sex appeal. Although I guess he's really Hollywood.
I think Hollywood is politics for good looking people. Ha! Get it!? Everyone here is handsome or beautiful, or in the case of Brad Pitt, both.
Hey, I was Jay Leno last night! Came on after Sandra Bullock. She wore a man's hat. She's adorable. I wonder why men don't wear hats more like they used to. Maybe if Fred Thompson is elected they'll make a comeback.
So I really went after Bush with both barrels. Like a new convert. No more codpieces from now on! He's incompetent, he's a liar, the war is really dumb. I even wowed Jay by saying Iraq was in Arabia. He was speechless. I think he though I said 'Aruba,' and got worried.
I gave my usual spiel about Romney being perfect and Rudy being covered with the dust of 9/11 and Fred with after-shave and cardigan. You know, just what everyone is really thinking. And by everyone I mean me and my fevered dreams. Ha!
It was great fun and I would go back. Thursday I'm going visit the Chinese Theater (boy, they're everywhere aren't they?) the La Brea tar pits, and hopefully the set of "Leave It to Beaver." If I get my picture taken in front of the Beaver's house with a "Fred Thompson '08" bumper sticker maybe they'll post it on the website!
On the other hand, I am sort of a journalist, so that might not be a good idea. Oh well.
After that, I gonna use this cool "Map of the Stars Homes" I bought and find out where Roy Rodgers lives. This is gonna be so cool!!!
I love movies. And actors. And movie stars. I think I saw George Clooney at the McDonald's in Burbank. Well, I thought it was him. It was a really good looking guy anyway!
They say Washington is showbiz for ugly people. Ain't that the truth! Except for Mitt Romney. He's perfect. And the Kennedys. And Fred Thompson. He's got sex appeal. Although I guess he's really Hollywood.
I think Hollywood is politics for good looking people. Ha! Get it!? Everyone here is handsome or beautiful, or in the case of Brad Pitt, both.
Hey, I was Jay Leno last night! Came on after Sandra Bullock. She wore a man's hat. She's adorable. I wonder why men don't wear hats more like they used to. Maybe if Fred Thompson is elected they'll make a comeback.
So I really went after Bush with both barrels. Like a new convert. No more codpieces from now on! He's incompetent, he's a liar, the war is really dumb. I even wowed Jay by saying Iraq was in Arabia. He was speechless. I think he though I said 'Aruba,' and got worried.
I gave my usual spiel about Romney being perfect and Rudy being covered with the dust of 9/11 and Fred with after-shave and cardigan. You know, just what everyone is really thinking. And by everyone I mean me and my fevered dreams. Ha!
It was great fun and I would go back. Thursday I'm going visit the Chinese Theater (boy, they're everywhere aren't they?) the La Brea tar pits, and hopefully the set of "Leave It to Beaver." If I get my picture taken in front of the Beaver's house with a "Fred Thompson '08" bumper sticker maybe they'll post it on the website!
On the other hand, I am sort of a journalist, so that might not be a good idea. Oh well.
After that, I gonna use this cool "Map of the Stars Homes" I bought and find out where Roy Rodgers lives. This is gonna be so cool!!!
Monday, July 16, 2007
My Best Friend John McCain is Sinking!
Wow. Look at me, I'm interweaving!
This is crazy! What's up with my buddy and man-crush John McCain?
He's such a cool guy! Ok, he may be wrong on all the issues. Deluded even. Possibly senile. But dammit, he deserves to President!
But nobody loves him anymore. Heck, even Jon Paul has more money! Of course, the Beatles were pretty popular with the kids along time ago.
This is really sad. It's the worst of my job, to report of the political death of a once-great panderer. The guy was such a maverick. Like Tom Cruise in Top Gun.
What a great movie that was! Take my breath away, Tom! Whatever happened to Tom Cruise anyway? I saw Kelly McGillis in Supergator on Sci-Fi the other night. So scary I had to close my eyes!
So the Straight Talk Express has hit an iceberg and is sinking. Or derailing. Or has a flat tire. Was it a bus? Whatever. This is a tragedy.
On the other hand, Rudy is still like my really cool older brother or tough guy neighbor, and Fred Thompson is like my English Leather smelling daddy, with pipe and easy chair.
Then there's Obama -- true, he is a wimpy Democrat, but he is handsome and hates Hillary. He's more like the dreamy guy you want to take you to the prom.
sigh........
This is crazy! What's up with my buddy and man-crush John McCain?
He's such a cool guy! Ok, he may be wrong on all the issues. Deluded even. Possibly senile. But dammit, he deserves to President!
But nobody loves him anymore. Heck, even Jon Paul has more money! Of course, the Beatles were pretty popular with the kids along time ago.
This is really sad. It's the worst of my job, to report of the political death of a once-great panderer. The guy was such a maverick. Like Tom Cruise in Top Gun.
What a great movie that was! Take my breath away, Tom! Whatever happened to Tom Cruise anyway? I saw Kelly McGillis in Supergator on Sci-Fi the other night. So scary I had to close my eyes!
So the Straight Talk Express has hit an iceberg and is sinking. Or derailing. Or has a flat tire. Was it a bus? Whatever. This is a tragedy.
On the other hand, Rudy is still like my really cool older brother or tough guy neighbor, and Fred Thompson is like my English Leather smelling daddy, with pipe and easy chair.
Then there's Obama -- true, he is a wimpy Democrat, but he is handsome and hates Hillary. He's more like the dreamy guy you want to take you to the prom.
sigh........
Saturday, July 14, 2007
I'm on the Intertubes! I Love It!
Ha!
Welcome to my new diary! Look at me! I'm on the Interweb! I love it!
Hey, if Steve Jobs can have a diary, so can, I right? That's an inside joke. Not that I'm an insider. Although I love insiders. Hey, if you have any gossip, please send it to me. I love it!
My innermost thoughts exposed to the whole world. I tell ya, this is going to be crazy!
Why now? That's a good question. Several reasons.
Frankly, I was a little jealous of all the attention everyone else was getting. Joe Klein has a blog called Swampland, did you know that? I didn't. Ana Marie is there too. It's pretty wild!
Andy Sullivan has one too! And people read it! Tumulty, Carney, Fineman -- I made these people what they are, dammitt! I worry that not enough people know what I'm thinking. Am I insecure? I don't know.
But this really isn't a "blog." Klein and Sully are always going on about they were always against the war or something. Boring! I'm more contemplative. This is more like a diary, I think. I dunno.
I think this is gonna be fun! Check in later!
Welcome to my new diary! Look at me! I'm on the Interweb! I love it!
Hey, if Steve Jobs can have a diary, so can, I right? That's an inside joke. Not that I'm an insider. Although I love insiders. Hey, if you have any gossip, please send it to me. I love it!
My innermost thoughts exposed to the whole world. I tell ya, this is going to be crazy!
Why now? That's a good question. Several reasons.
Frankly, I was a little jealous of all the attention everyone else was getting. Joe Klein has a blog called Swampland, did you know that? I didn't. Ana Marie is there too. It's pretty wild!
Andy Sullivan has one too! And people read it! Tumulty, Carney, Fineman -- I made these people what they are, dammitt! I worry that not enough people know what I'm thinking. Am I insecure? I don't know.
But this really isn't a "blog." Klein and Sully are always going on about they were always against the war or something. Boring! I'm more contemplative. This is more like a diary, I think. I dunno.
I think this is gonna be fun! Check in later!
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