Thursday, August 23, 2007

Tammy is Out. But life goes on!!!

Ratings aren't everything! Ha!

Ok, it's true, no one watches my show - but it's not a fair comparison, I'm on twice a day! I love it!

Seriously - if I'm on two times as day that means my loyal fans have two chances to watch the show, splitting my ratings in half, right???

Who am I kidding?!?! Aw, sh*t, I'm getting my ass kicked by a bow-tied wearing imbecillic heir to a frozen pea fortune!

Ha! I almost said a bad word! Hey, you try not drinking for three years and see how you do!!

Yeah, Tammy H. is out. That's why I've haven't done this whole blogging thing for a while. It really bums me out. But look, first, someone has to take the blame for that fact that more people are watching Dan Fucking Abrams -- I went to his Bar Mitzvah, dammit, and it was last week, ha!! -- and sure as heck it isn't going to be me!

I used to work for Tip Frigging O'Neill, for god's sake!!! Oh and Jimmy Carter, too – I think he founded Habitrail for Humanity or something.

I can't remember - I drank alot from 1976 thru to 1981 - can you blame me?? It was the 70s! Gas lines, the Shah, Disco, Son of Sam??? I would have hung out at Studio 54 if I hadn't been such a dork! Instead it was late night at McFeeley's on 16th Street and M Street. Those were the days! If Washington had had a Son of Sam I'd have been a dead man -- I was young, blond, and beautiful! In those days, I tell ya, I was a pudgy Peter O'Toole!

Second, it's her job to stop me when I'm out to say "shit." Well, techhically on the air, which is harder than it looks! There are so may times during my show that you just want to blurt it out!!

Now that Tammy is gone, it's onward and upward. I'm the go-to-guy for all things political! In a year when we're electing a President, like 2007, I'm more indespensible than ever! I love it!

Se you on the intertubes!!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Erin Burnett is Hot!

Oh wow, is Erin Burnett a hottie or what!?

Ha! Just kidding! Not really though - about her being hot, I mean. She is, right!?

And a heck of a reporter! Easy on the eyes and the old wallet, if you know what I mean!

She's from the street - Wall Street! Ha! I love it - she's inflates my portfolio!

Oh, ok lighten up with the PC business -- she's cute, so asked to get closer to the camera.

At my age, leering at younger women and Fred Thompson is all I got!

Sue me - I'm an old fashioned, blue-collar, working-class guy from Philly who likes my men beefy and my women hot but in the kitchen wearing pearls.

Is that so wrong? To want to work out my childhood family issues on national television without restraint, concern for my guests or how my audience may be reacting in alternating fascination and horror??

Hey, look I tried to the whole Tony Soprano-Dr. Melfi route -- it just didn't work for me.

Lying on the couch and spilling my innermost secrets without a camera on held zero appeal - although if my shrink had looked like Lorraine Bracco we might have gotten further!!! Ha!!

Seriously though -- this is why is have this interblog! So I can really empty out out my hidden feelings in public without the limitations I feel on the air!

It's so liberating, I love it!

Well, I feel better! Later, fans!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Where's The Beef????

You know what I'm talking about!

Where are all the beefy men?

The strong, muscular, manly, hot, meaty kind of men -- the kind you salivate over, you just wanna slather in sauce, throw on the grill, sizzle up, stick in yor mouth and swallow!

I mean, come on, Hillary is leading the race, for god's sake!! Who is going to stop her??

Only a man. A real man. A real big man. A real big, beefy, english leather, aqua velva man!

Look at the other guys - Obama, Edwards, Kucinich - all skinny, little men.

Where are the men who would come home late at night, smelling of cigars and whiskey, knock over a few lamps and holler and yell and tell me to go back to bed - those kinds of real men??

Edwards is like a little kid trying to get attention - I know what that's like! - and Obama is like a dog in the manger - no really!

Fine, but they're all so skinny! Where are all the big men?

You know, but where's the beef?

Thursday, August 2, 2007

We're Never Leaving, Are We?

You know I love movies. Ha!

Anyway, this whole debate about whether we're ever going to leave Iraq got me to thinking about a movie where there was also a long running debate about whether someone was going to leave.

Namely, whether this married man was going to leave his wife. And everyone kept saying, "he's never leaving, is he?" and the other characters said, "no, he isn't."

Iraq is like that movie "When Harry Met Sally" and Carrie Fisher is dating a married man and she keeps saying "I don't he's ever going to leave his wife" and the other girl says "no one think he, is and later Fisher says "I'm beginning to think he might never leave her" and Meg Ryan says "of course he isn't"

And of course he never does. Bush is like that.